How to Make Friends in the Dorm During Your First Month

On your first day, you arrive with two suitcases, unopened bedding, and the feeling that everyone in the hallway already knows each other except you. That’s not the case. The others have just arrived, just like you, with the same “let’s see how this goes” look on their faces. Making friends in the dorm doesn’t depend on getting lucky with who you end up next to; it depends on a couple of things you can actually control during the first few weeks. The difference from college is that here, you don’t all go home after class: you keep living together, you keep running into each other in the kitchen, and you keep having reasons to talk. That works in your favor if you know how to use it.

In a classroom of 200 people, you can go an entire semester without exchanging a single word with anyone. In a dorm, that’s almost impossible. You’ll run into each other in the elevator, in the laundry room, and in the kitchen at 9 p.m. while looking for something to eat for dinner. And you’re all in the same boat: you’ve just left your hometown, your usual room, and your lifelong friends. No one arrives with a ready-made group of friends.

That structure does the work for you. College life really begins when you leave class, and that’s where living in a dorm has the edge: the shared spaces and the calendar of events create opportunities for interaction that simply don’t exist in a two-person shared apartment or at your parents’ house. You don’t have to force anything; you just have to be available when those opportunities arise.

The first three days are more significant than they seem. Not because everything is decided then, but because those are the days when fewer people have plans and are more eager to do something.

What to do:

• Leave the bedroom door open for a while while you unpack your suitcase. It's the silliest—and most effective—excuse to get someone to stop and say hello.
• Go down to the kitchen or the common room at a time when you know there will be people there, even if you're not hungry.
• Ask about the WhatsApp group for your floor or residence hall. It's usually set up on the first day.
• Sign up for the first StepForward event you see on the bulletin board or in the group, even if it's just a welcome dinner and you don't really feel like going out.

What to Avoid:

• Spending your first full weekend away, in your hometown. It's tempting, but you'll miss the time when things are at their liveliest.
• Hanging out only with people you already knew from your hometown. There's nothing wrong with seeing them, but if that's all you do, it'll take you longer to open up to others.
• Deciding in two days that “there’s no one here who’s my type.” You haven’t talked to nearly enough people yet to know that.

The common room, the coworking space, and the kitchen aren’t just for show. That’s where almost everything happens. The coworking space, in particular, is a place that’s both unusual and useful: you go there to study and end up talking to the person next to you about a job, a deadline, or a class you both have in common. Those casual conversations are the ones that later become more than just study buddies, and if you’re interested in the professional side of those connections, we’ll talk about how to take advantage of networking within the residence in another article.

The StepForward program organizes the house’s calendar of events: tournaments, dinners, game nights, and occasional outings. You don’t have to like everything they offer. Just by going to one event a month, you’ll have regular opportunities to connect with people you otherwise would never have met. And the clearer you are on the house’s basic rules—schedules, noise, shared kitchen—the fewer conflicts you’ll have with your neighbors on your floor, and the easier it will be for that living arrangement to turn into friendship. If you want the details, they’re outlined in the residence’s community guidelines.

There's no need for a long speech. A specific phrase that opens a small door works best:

• "How was your first day? I still can't find the laundromat."
• "I'm going to get some coffee. Want to come?"
• "Do you have class at nine, too? We can go downstairs together."

These are casual phrases that don’t put any pressure on anyone, don’t ask for anything in return, and leave the door open to continue the conversation if both parties are interested. What doesn’t work is approaching someone with “Do you want to be my friend?” on your mind. A social life in a dorm is built on small, repeated interactions, not on a single perfect moment.

If large groups wear you out, you don't have to pretend they don't. Aim lower and be more specific:

• Talk to the person next to you first, not the whole group. A one-on-one conversation feels less intense.
• Use coworking as an excuse. Being surrounded by people without having to hold a conversation the whole time also counts as socializing.
• Set a small goal for yourself each week: a new conversation, not an entire party.
• Give yourself permission to leave an event early. Just being there counts—you don't have to stay until the end.

Being an introvert isn't an obstacle to making friends in the dorm; it's just a different pace. No one's keeping track of how long it takes you.

If you’re coming from out of town, the language can be intimidating at first. It really helps to keep things simple: suggest a game of paddle tennis, cook something together, or sign up for a StepForward activity where the plan is already set and doesn’t depend on holding a fluid conversation in a language you’re still only halfway comfortable with. Dormitories usually have a pretty diverse international mix, so it’s easy to find someone in the same situation as you when it comes to the language. And if you speak Spanish only a little, just say so: “I speak Spanish only a little—let me know if I’m going too fast.” That opens more doors than staying silent out of fear of making a mistake.

If three or four weeks go by and you still feel like you don’t know anyone, don’t wait for it to work itself out. The reception team and the StepForward coordinator usually know who else is in the same situation as you, which activities have openings this week, or if there’s someone with your class schedule who’s also looking for something to do. Ask a specific question: “I don’t know anyone in my major here—is there anything this week I can sign up for?” This is also the time to reach out to them if the problem isn’t a lack of people, but a one-time conflict with your roommate that’s making you avoid the common area. That’s what they’re there for.

If you're still deciding where to live next school year, it's worth checking out what StepHouse residence halls are available in your city and what daily life is like at each one before making your choice.

Yes. Most groups form between the third and sixth weeks, by which time there have already been several events and dinners. Two weeks isn't enough time to draw conclusions.

He doesn't have to be your best friend—it's enough that you get along. Look for your own group elsewhere: the office, a coworking space, or StepForward events. If your relationship with him is affecting your day-to-day life, talk to the front desk.

No, but they are the fastest way to meet people without having to organize anything yourself. Going to one every now and then—even if you don't really feel like it—usually pays off.